Well, technically, that's not true. There are always things to do, or so the wise woman who raised me told me. The aforementioned "something to do" refers to the money-making kind, or the life-advancing kind (I don't even know what that means), or, maybe, the leading-you-to-success kind. I need a purpose, and I can't really figure what that purpose should look like. Can my next goal kindly stand up and wave your hands at me? Forget that. Wave a couple of bright, tall, flashing neon lights instead, just in case.
Life is slow here in the country. I navigate through the occasional delicate, emotional situations, yes; but besides a heightened hearing and an increasingly strong heart, I think my senses have dulled quite a bit. It surprises me sometimes - how easily I am letting things fall aside, allowing plans to slide. It's unnerving.
The next step to success. I wonder what "success" means. Yes, I've read enough motivational/ philosophical books to know that success is what I make it. It's different for everyone. I wonder what everyone's definition of "success" is. Be rich? Be famous? Be powerful? Have a house, a car, two kids, and a dog? Maybe I should start a forum and collect everyone's milestones for success. That would actually be fun. And maybe I will read through them and pick my favourite ones, and... heck I don't know what I would do with them. I don't know what my own success is. I can't really picture it. I don't have a huge career ambition. I want money (who doesn't); but not ridiculously wealthy. I've never thought about being famous or powerful. As to my thought on the suburban dream? Well, that probably deserves its own blog entry.
What do I really want? I want the world to be at peace, with one another and with nature; I want everyone to respect everyone else; I want my family to be healthy and happy. My top three wishes, no joke.
I am shaking my head at what I just typed. I should join a pageant. Wiser, kinder souls have tried their hands at the first two without much to show for it. I am trying to work on the third one, but not doing a very good job of it. So, waking up and moving on to more realistic talks.
I need to find something to occupy my time. Something that would force me to go "onward and upward". Maybe a job is what I need. Or a trip (yeah, I might even make it the soul-searching kind! Damn, sarcasm does not transfer well to blog posts). Or a lover.
I know! The next thing I should do now that I don't know what to do is to figure out what I have to do. That's it.
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This post is way too long for not having a point. Oh well, it's because I have nothing to do.